you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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