Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
