you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize