Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
