Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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