I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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