all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
