just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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