I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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