I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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