I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
