I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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