yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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