I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
