Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
