Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
