the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
even my farts smell like vagina
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
