My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Randomize
