Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The best revenge is premature balding
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
