ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
