Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
