i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
