Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
