My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
