i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
