The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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