I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy sore nipples Batman
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
