he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
