careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
