how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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