I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
