I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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