Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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