she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
