I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I skipped work to stalk him.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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