Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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