Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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