last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
