I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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