Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
