Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
