Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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