This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
