good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
