Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
