i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You've changed since you got that strap on
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
