If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
