Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
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