fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
