Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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