plz talk dirty to me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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