i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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