I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
where am i from again
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
