sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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