dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize