Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
