I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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