Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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