if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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