Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize