i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
