hotel room ftw
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
