if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
