cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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