he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
