She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
this hospital has no fireball
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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