Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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