I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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