His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
