it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
