i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
