I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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