Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
