I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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