Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
